Thursday, July 31, 2014

Canine unit report

I am reporting to you on a new development.

First, this is the precursor report on some exciting new adventures.  You will be updated on this as more details are available.

In the advance wave of  information gathering on the new adventures, a remarkably strange thing happened to me and my owners.

We got in the car and drove.  Not your average drive, mind you... we did not go to the Tractor Supply or to the vet, or for a hike at a park.  We didn't go see a friend.  We did not head to the house at the beach.  No... we did not.  We drove a bit further, to another coastal place.  Now we had been to this place a few weeks ago, but only briefly.  A day trip, which is a good thing.  We come and see, and we're back home come evening.

This trip, my humans must have lost their ever-loving minds.

First, we drive into what has to be the craziest place in all of South Carolina.
Neon lights and people everywhere, moving frantically, as if they have places to be and things to do at night...

I began to worry about the humans, who are laughing and talking and totally not getting the worried expression, and then my insistent glaring.  Do they notice?  They do not!

We stop at a place called the red woof inn.
Interesting smelling place... friendly to all canines, we check in.  I am a little concerned as my female human goes into the office, but I can see her and keep an eye on her.
Do not worry... I will not let her out of my sight.

This is where the story turns really strange.

Really strange,,, people... I'm telling you!

The humans grab the bags and head inside.
No big deal, I think, I've stayed at a place like this a time or two.

But NO.... Noooooooooooooooooooo....

The crazy humans walk me straight into this tiny little room... that immediately goes to blinking and whirring and MOVING.

For the love all things canine, PEOPLE.... help me!

I employ my best technique to indicate that this is NOT familiar territory for me.  I stick my nose and then my whole head up my human's skirt.  Ahh... familiarity.... I am safe... but only momentarily.  The little room shudders and shakes and comes to an abrupt stop.  Off down a hall, we enter a room that is WAY UP in the air.... ohhhh, people... I looked out the window and WHAT???? why are we in the air...  The humans... they're SO unconcerned.  

These people... something is wrong with them... they unwind and quickly climb into a bed that is NOT theirs, leaving me to figure this out for myself.  So, I stand guard all night...ALL NIGHT.  Just to make sure things are fine, I get the mama human up at 2... and we check the perimeter.  It's dark, and quiet... then, suddenly from out of the bushes ambles a wobbly human.  That crazy individual says "is the doggy friendly?"  What!?!  This is a negative...  Just in case... I give it a low, rumble... the one from deep down that says "back away from my human!"  I continue this rumble until the wobbly human backs several steps away.  The mama human reassures me and we head BACK into the little moving room!  I HATE this thing....
ahhh... skirt....  yes...

Just to check...
because I'm a good German Shepherd,
we checked the perimeter at 3:45
and again at 5:50.

By this point, I have perfected the technique of walking, head up under the human's skirt, from the door, to the little crazy moving room.  My legs now only shake enough to still allow me to stand.  I mean, really, if I can't see the little room....

After that, the mama human did what I'd been trying to convince her to do all night...
she sat, with my head on her knees and drank several pots of coffee (so, they're one cup pots!)...
but she helped me... 

She tells me that it's fine... that I'm a good dog for protecting them while they slept.  She's so glad that I am so attentive and protective.

No more of that sleeping stuff.

I am looking forward to getting far away from the little moving room and riding in the car.  Not sure what the big picture is here, but I sure do plan to keep my humans safely under surveillance.

I will report to you again, as I know more.

The Official Canine Caretaker

No comments:

Post a Comment